Will it ever be over?

Will it ever be over?  The answer is no...the question?  Will the worry about being fat/overweight (whatever you want to call it) ever be over?  I don't think so.  It's such a struggle...and a frustration.  A few of my friends have been meeting every Saturday morning for the last three weeks to share our struggles and be a sounding board for each other.  It's a wonderful chance to visit and share a little bit of our mom woes, etc.  And an opportunity to get ideas about our individual issues that we have.  Of course, the one struggle we all share is weight...either getting it off, or keeping it off.  I am very proud of the girls for their weight losses.  But I am also feeling a little jealous, as they've all lost weight, but me! 

How does one get over those feelings?  How does one struggle through all the everyday chores, all the aspects of being a mom and a wife, and work commitments....and still find time to take care of oneself?  It seems to me others have somewhat figured it out.  I'm still working on it.  I have had a really hard time going back to JDFT since my surgery.  I have lost the momentum..how do I get it back?  There's such a  pull to go to the gym, and to walk the dog, and keep up with everything (meaning the house and errands), and me well, I seem to fall to the bottom of the list.  Not to mention that I'm tired. What a vicious circle...if I went to the gym more, I would get energy and then I wouldn't be so tired.

It's trying to be spring (and failing miserably), but I know it means capri, short, t-shirt...all the clothes that you can't hide behind.  Don't even get me started on a swimming suit.  It is time to start again...(insert big sigh here), it seems like I'm always starting...will it ever be over...nope!

Here we go again!

I am back to my journaling and keeping track of all my food.  That's not the hard part.  The hard part is all in my head.  The thoughts of sabotage are always there, and so frustrating.  I really have come to an understanding that my weight issues are not really about food, and not really about the exercise...othewise I would have dropped weight by now.  My conclusion is that it's really about being worthy....yes, I am worthy!  And why is that so hard to say?  Really, I know I am....but????  it's the but??? that's killing me, and it's not the behind butt!  Ha ha!!!  So here, we go again!   Keeping up with the exercise, and keeping up with the journal, but most of all, keeping up with me and the thoughts that I am worth the time and effort to gain the body I want to have.

And on a happy note, we took Bella to the dog park yesterday, and she had soooo much fun!  We were totally entertained by her exuberance  and total exhileration of being able to run and play with the other dogs!  I enjoyed being with my husband and son, and to laugh in the cold air was a blast!

Back to work this week!

And I just never thought going back to work would be so tiring.  I started Monday morning, all ready to go!  Then when I got to school, saw the huge (and I do mean huge) pile of marking that was left on my desk.  It was enough to almost make me want to turn around and walk out the door again.  The good news is that we have hired a sub for one day a week to help with the marking process.  We'll see how that goes!  :)

Monday night I also decided I should head back to the gym, and get my measurements done, and do the dreaded weigh in.  I hadn't been to the gym for a workout since surgery, whew!  Well the weigh in wasn't as bad as I thought.  I actually had lost a few pounds...however, it turned out to be muscle that I lost.  N ot so good.  Which really, it  makes sense as I didn't really do anything for almost 3 weeks!  I did manage to get through my workout, but it must have been pretty entertaining for the girls...certainly was a tough one for me.  I did make it through though, which was better than I expected.

I did have to admit to Jo that I hadn't kept my journal through my surgery recovery.  Oops!  But I did make good choices when I was off, and I didn't really indulge at all, except for Jean-Luc's birthday cake! I actually found that I had to think about eating, and often it got  to be 1:00 or 1:30 and I had realized I hadn't had lunch yet.  Getting back to school is hard.  I find even though I'm sitting at my desk for the majority of the day, I find I'm looking for food and snacks...frustrating.  Too much sitting I think!

Getting back to work has also been a little stressful, which really makes me realize the connection between the two.  Tracee stressed = Tracee eating.  I will work hard at keeping the stress at bay, and do what I can do each day.  

And last but not least, I am TIRED!  Everyone kept telling me how tired I would be, but I just didn't think it would happen.  I was wrong.  At about 1, I am about done.  Today was an extra long day due to staffing issues, but hopefully tomorrow will be better.  I had planned to go to the gym today, but didn't make it...just too tired.  I am worried about getting too run down, and then really land up being sick.  I will try again tomorrow!

Almost 16

This is a photo of my mom shortly before she turned 16...in 1959.  It's hard to believe she's pretty much the same age Carinne is now!

Mom said her dress was a light pink, with a white collar and black velvet trim...how dainty and pretty!

New Layout's

Icy sidewalks!

really suck!  I went out for my daily walk today, and couldn't believe how icy it was.  I almost wiped out a few times.  Which wouldn't be a good thing! 

I'm thrilled to share I've lost 8 pounds since surgery.  I don't have high hopes of keeping it all off, but it's definitely a start!

The surgery healing is going well; I'm still getting tired easily, but every day is better.  I actually drove today!  First time in a week.  It was a little jarring with all the bumpy snow covered roads, and what surprised me was how hard it was to sit up straight.  Next time I'll take my car and I can recline my seats a little!


I've been playing in my scrap room a bit, and should have something to post soon!

And it's gone.....

my gall bladder that is!  Surgery was last Wednesday, and wasn't as difficult as I imagined it would be.  The hardest part was  "waiting my turn", in the assembly line.  The nurses at the hospital were wonderful!  When I first came out of the anesthetic there was a pile of pain, but then the meds kicked it!  :)  huge happy face here! 

Recovery has been day by day and day by day it's amazing to see how fast the changes are.  I removed the first set of bandages on Saturday. And now am waiting for the last set to come off in a few days. 

The hardest part so far has been how tired I am!  I went for a very slow 20 minute walk around the block today and it was painfully slow; but how wonderful to breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the sunshine!


Since it's Valentine's Day today I made cards for everyone! Pooped me right out, and I had to have a rest on the sofa after!  LOL 


I am feeling good and am so happy with how my family has stepped up to help!  I love you!