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Mental Monsters!

I just read Jo's blog...Mental Monsters...those little monsters that set out to sabotage us, to distract us, and to make us doubt ourselves.  My goal is to break those little suckers.   Along with the Mental Monsters, I think I have memory monsters.  The memories that threaten to beat us at every turn.  Losing my sister, Cory, was probably one of the hardest experiences in my life.  And it's one that never ends.  Never a day goes by when I don't miss her or think of her. The whole "loss" of her is a memory monster.  I ate and ate, and soothed myself with food, and 40 pounds later, here I am.  Before Carinne, I had a miscarriage at 3 and a half months....I ate, and ate, and soothed myself with food...25 pounds later....do you see the pattern?  I am just started to.  Would Cory want for me to keep sabotaging myself?  No!  Would she want me to keep using food as a way to soothe myself because I miss her?  No!   Would our little angel in heaven want her mom to keep eating the hurt away.  No!   So it's time to stop!

Thanks to a little reflection with Jo tonight, and a little self analysis :)  It's time to chases the Mental Monsters and the Memory Monsters away.  I have been going to JDFT for 5 months now.  When I started I couldn't do a sit up (no laughing), I couldn't do a push up (really, no laughing now), and I could barely do 30 seconds of cardio.  Not today!  Today I am stronger, I am healthier, I am PROUD of myself!  As I type this I have tears forming!  It amazes me how hard it is to say that:  I AM PROUD OF MYSELF!   And I"m chasing the monsters away!  I am PROUD of myself, I WILL continue to make myself stronger and healthier. 

Thanks to Jo, for the pep talk tonight and letting me know that the girls at the gym care about me, they care about my progress and they care that I'm proud of myself!  To Amanda and Shannon, thanks for the listening ear yesterday, I needed it.  I'm always learning and improving!  Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks!  :)

Keep going!

A little pep talk for myself goes something like this:  "Keep going Tracee, you can do it, keep counting calories just takes a little time, you are worth it!  you're doing a great job going to the gym, I know the weight is not coming off, but you're healthier, and your stronger, and you're worth it!"

The "you're worth it" part is often hard for us to wrap around in our heads.  How many years have we put the kids, the job, the house, the family, the husband, basically everything before us?  For me, it's too many to count.  I am working at changing my mindset, but also my family's mind set about what's important for me.  Like going to the gym!  I don't usually go on Fridays, but I decided I would go this Friday to a Fusion class.  Did I catch everyone by surprise tonight!  We have the "cable guy" coming sometime between 5 and 8 (doesn't that just drive you crazy all by itself).  Usually it's me who stays home and waits for service men...takes a day off work, etc.  Today, I asked Robert if he could do it...he asked why?  "Because I want to go to the gym."  and he said "oh, okay".  I'm working on him!!!

The kids are getting used to getting supper organized, getting used to being on their own a little more and being independent.  Which I think is a pretty good side effect of me taking time for myself. 

And yes, I AM WORTH IT!

Thankful

for my husband tonight.  He called at 4:00 to see what I was up to.  Today was my last day off for Christmas break.  My lovely husband told me to get my coat on and he was coming to pick me up to go out for appetizers and a drink!  Whoo Hoo!!!  Going out without the kids doesn't happen often, and what a great time we had.  We were joined by our friends Colin and Elida.  It was nice to go out, and have a little to eat, and a wonderful glass of wine!  Yay!  And yes, I did workout today!  9 am, yes I did!!!


Last night  I went to TRX class at 6:00.  Whew, the gym was full...Amanda had kids class, Jo was doing a private training session, and Shannon had her hands full with 11 of us!  It must be January!  I quite enjoyed the class, had a few exercises that kicked my butt, but it still felt great!  (Did I really just say that?)  Crazy!!!

While Robert and I were waiting for Colin and Elida to arrive at Moxies, we had a chat about how the gym is going and how I feel working out.  Robert's been so awesome, especially since he's seen me try every diet under the sun.  As long as I'm feeling good, he's cheering me on.  The only thing I would like to be different is my knees; they're hurting tonight, and some of the exercises are just hard on my knees.  But I'm hoping as I get stronger yet, the muscles around the knees will get stronger too and the pain won't be as much!    I actually looked at what it takes to  run a 5 k....what's up with that!  LOL

And the rest of the wedding scrapbook

2011 begins!

The Christmas season has passed, the tree is down, the village is put away, the decorations are gone, and the house is mostly put back together.  Part of me is soooo happy that the clutter is gone and the house is back in order, but part of me is sad that the season went so quickly.  Being gone for the 6 days doesn't help, but onward we go.

Robert and the kids start school tomorrow.  Lucky me still has two days off!  Cue the music, "Dancing on the Ceiling"!  I have two whole days to myself!!!!!  I do have a bit of shopping to do and I do have some errands to run, but I have time to scrapbook and time to putter.  Of course, a run to the scrapbooking store and Michael's won't hurt either!  :)

And so it's the time for New Year Resolutions!  I'm not making any!  How's that!  Last year I decided to give up Diet Pepsi.  Which I did for two months.  Didn't really feel any different, like everyone said I would, however, since then I have really decreased the amount of pop I drink.  I did have a bit more over the holidays, but it's holidays.  Back to resolutions.. as I've said.I don't have any, however I have some goals....

1.  Keep going to JDFT!  Have I mentioned how much I like the non-gym Jo has created?  It has to be awesome...I keep going back!  And if anyone really knows me, this is not a small feat!  My goal is 4 or 5 times a week, depending on what each week brings.  And when the weather gets a little better, we'll work on the outside stuff.  Still waiting for the obstacle course for my gym goal Jo!!!! (how scary is that, I'm asking for more!) hee hee

2.  I plan to keep trying to eat clean, and keeping my food journal.  I let it go over Christmas, but it's time to get back in the routine.  It's not a major catastrophe as  I would have previously have felt, but just time to get my journal out and start again.  I had a few minor gall bladder attacks over Christmas.  Nothing to send me to the hospital as before, but enough of a reminder that I really have to watch what I eat, and that planning does make a difference.



And that's it...no goals to lose 20 pounds, to cut out sugar, to exercise everyday, etc. etc.  Just to keep trying to do healthy things and to make my life and health better!

Anyone want to join me?

And it's Christmas season!

It's been busy!  Can you tell, I haven't made a post!  I am itching for the next few days to be over!  Robert and the kids finished school yesterday...me....I wait until Tuesday!  Which is okay, as I'll have two extra days on the other end!

I'm still rocking the gym, 4 days so far this week!  I thought on Monday and Tuesday, "I'm rockin' it!  I feel great!  I can do this!"  then......on Wed. and Thursday Amanda kicked my a$$; yes she did.  I was still and sore on Friday, again wondering, "Why am I doing this to myself?".  So Friday night was treat night!  We had our Christmas open house last night.  I sampled everything that I wanted to.  I had 3 glasses of wine...I held a 2 and a half month old baby for a hour!  Yay me!  AND had the best time with our friends!   Where was I going with this...oh yes...food.  I am very proud of myself.  While I sampled all those yummy munchies that I love, I did NOT pig out, I did NOT eat excessively, and I still got to have my Christmas treats.  I'm learning!

And now it's Saturday morning, I just got up a little while ago, and was trying to talk myself out of going to the gym....then I read Jo's new website.  So I have eaten a wrap with my favorite crunchy peanut butter, and I'm off to change into my workout clothes...yes I'm going, as much as I tried to talk myself out of it...I can't!  I know I'll feel guilty for the rest of the weekend!  :)  Off I go!