Beautiful

I was watcing "What Not to Wear" tonight, and there was a woman on tonight, who was close to the same age as I am.  She had never thought of herself as beautiful.  Stacy and Clinton had to force her to say, "I'm Beautiful!"  As I was watching this, I had tears rolling down my face.  I have NEVER looked in the mirror and thought I was beautiful  Not even when I was the perfect size 7 and 117 pounds, not on my wedding day and certainly not since.    It makes me sad to say this.  I know I have looked "okay" and "nice"  but not beautiful!   Why are we so hard on ourselves?  I know I am a strong woman, the last few years are a testimony to that.  But I can't say it.

I am working hard at making the outside beauitful in my own eyes.  It's a lot of hard work, and hopefully I will start to have some rewards soon. I often wonder why I'm sabotaging myself.   I know the inside is beautiful.....at least that's what I hope others around me see -- the real me, not the one I see in the mirror.

I am trying hard get there.......