The Positive Journey

And so the journey starts again.  I had my meeting with Jo on Friday, we discussed my food journal, the goods, the bads...and really I think I eat well.  Again, still not enough.  I think I may need a few slaps to get through to my thick head that I need to eat more.  However, I started my weekend, not thinking so much about how much I was eating for "what I was eating".  And as long as I was staying away from the processed food, and junk I was good. 

One of the first things Jo told me I had to do was put the scale away.  The only time I will weigh myself is when it's my time to measure at JDFT.  I couldn't believe how hard it was to put it away.  AND how tempted I was to weigh myself before I put it away.  But I didn't!  Talk about a slave to the scale!  I have some heavy head thoughts I need to put at bay.  I think I have been told so often, to not eat that...that's fattening...that's not healthy.....it's hard to keep the positive thoughts in my head. 

Being overweight really sucks. (don't tell my kids I used the word sucks").  It's so hard on the self esteem.  The girl I see in the mirror is not the one I feel looking out through my eyes.  Do I want to be 17 again?  Nope!  Do I want to be 27 again?  nope...but I sure wouldn't mind the body I had back then; I'm pretty sure I'd take better care of it, if I knew then what I knew now!

But it's a new day, and time to start again.  One of my assignemnts is to search out images of how I'd like to look.  I told Robert I had to do this, as a Victoria Secret commercial came on...he turned and looked at me with a big grin...."like that?"..  funny guy....wouldn't that be nice...but I would need about 6 inches of height and bigger boobs!  Maybe the rest is attainable?  LOL 

Jo also asked me to come up with a physical challenge.  Scary thoughts came crashing through my head....a goal...really....what if I fail....I will fail...no I can't do that....I have to commit?....I'm SCARED!!!    I had tears welling up in my eyes.....talk about low self esteem.  Jo mentioned things like a 5 km run...sit ups...push ups....chin lifts....nothing seemed right.  When I talked to Robert about it; he said it's your decision...men!  Saturday I went to TRX and Jo and Amanda decided they would create a obstacle course for me...kind of like on  the show X-Weighted...so this week...look out, I think I'll probably die..but the goal is in 3 months I can be a winner!  Yay Tracee...and so it begins....  off to buy a new food journal after school today, so can add more journalling about my day as well.