And it's Christmas season!

It's been busy!  Can you tell, I haven't made a post!  I am itching for the next few days to be over!  Robert and the kids finished school yesterday...me....I wait until Tuesday!  Which is okay, as I'll have two extra days on the other end!

I'm still rocking the gym, 4 days so far this week!  I thought on Monday and Tuesday, "I'm rockin' it!  I feel great!  I can do this!"  then......on Wed. and Thursday Amanda kicked my a$$; yes she did.  I was still and sore on Friday, again wondering, "Why am I doing this to myself?".  So Friday night was treat night!  We had our Christmas open house last night.  I sampled everything that I wanted to.  I had 3 glasses of wine...I held a 2 and a half month old baby for a hour!  Yay me!  AND had the best time with our friends!   Where was I going with this...oh yes...food.  I am very proud of myself.  While I sampled all those yummy munchies that I love, I did NOT pig out, I did NOT eat excessively, and I still got to have my Christmas treats.  I'm learning!

And now it's Saturday morning, I just got up a little while ago, and was trying to talk myself out of going to the gym....then I read Jo's new website.  So I have eaten a wrap with my favorite crunchy peanut butter, and I'm off to change into my workout clothes...yes I'm going, as much as I tried to talk myself out of it...I can't!  I know I'll feel guilty for the rest of the weekend!  :)  Off I go!

The Positive Journey

And so the journey starts again.  I had my meeting with Jo on Friday, we discussed my food journal, the goods, the bads...and really I think I eat well.  Again, still not enough.  I think I may need a few slaps to get through to my thick head that I need to eat more.  However, I started my weekend, not thinking so much about how much I was eating for "what I was eating".  And as long as I was staying away from the processed food, and junk I was good. 

One of the first things Jo told me I had to do was put the scale away.  The only time I will weigh myself is when it's my time to measure at JDFT.  I couldn't believe how hard it was to put it away.  AND how tempted I was to weigh myself before I put it away.  But I didn't!  Talk about a slave to the scale!  I have some heavy head thoughts I need to put at bay.  I think I have been told so often, to not eat that...that's fattening...that's not healthy.....it's hard to keep the positive thoughts in my head. 

Being overweight really sucks. (don't tell my kids I used the word sucks").  It's so hard on the self esteem.  The girl I see in the mirror is not the one I feel looking out through my eyes.  Do I want to be 17 again?  Nope!  Do I want to be 27 again?  nope...but I sure wouldn't mind the body I had back then; I'm pretty sure I'd take better care of it, if I knew then what I knew now!

But it's a new day, and time to start again.  One of my assignemnts is to search out images of how I'd like to look.  I told Robert I had to do this, as a Victoria Secret commercial came on...he turned and looked at me with a big grin...."like that?"..  funny guy....wouldn't that be nice...but I would need about 6 inches of height and bigger boobs!  Maybe the rest is attainable?  LOL 

Jo also asked me to come up with a physical challenge.  Scary thoughts came crashing through my head....a goal...really....what if I fail....I will fail...no I can't do that....I have to commit?....I'm SCARED!!!    I had tears welling up in my eyes.....talk about low self esteem.  Jo mentioned things like a 5 km run...sit ups...push ups....chin lifts....nothing seemed right.  When I talked to Robert about it; he said it's your decision...men!  Saturday I went to TRX and Jo and Amanda decided they would create a obstacle course for me...kind of like on  the show X-Weighted...so this week...look out, I think I'll probably die..but the goal is in 3 months I can be a winner!  Yay Tracee...and so it begins....  off to buy a new food journal after school today, so can add more journalling about my day as well.

And again

I am feeling so frustrated.  I had to let this stew for a little bit, and not write immediately.  It would not have been nice!


I got weighed and measured yesterday....hmpf!  I was not impressed!  I really feel like I have been working hard and being fairly diligent with calorie tracking as well as going to TRX and circuit training classes.   But absolutely no results...none...nada...zilch!  It really sucks.  (please do not tell my kids I used that word). 

okay, now that I had my own little pity party.  I have booked in a session with Jo on Friday to do a bit of an analysis of what I have been doing right and what I can improve on.  Here is hoping to success on that front.  I do not want to say I am going to give up, but it is very close to the tip of my tongue.  Going to the gym 4 days a week translates to about 6.5 hours out of my week that my house is not being cleaned, and my kids are not getting specific directions from their mother.  It does not sound like very much, but I really feel like the house is falling apart...the kids are getting away from me...and then there is the fact that I am not having success....frustrating!!!

But I will start.....again!

And it snowed in the village!

I've had the Christmas village set up for a few days, but it hadn't snowed yet!  :)  Meaning, I hadn't added the snow to cover up all the wires etc.  But today...it finally snowed! 

The first few pictures are with the lights on...then with only the lights for the village.  I noticed a few spot lights have burnt out, so I need to go battery shopping...:)

Enjoy!

Hmmm...I think I need to paint the walls blue.....I'd had a beautiful sky background then!!!

Wedding Scrapbook

These are the first few pages of the Christmas present I'm making for my brother and his wife...they were married in August.  I still have several pages to go, but they're planned out and now...it's just time to get them all done before Christmas!  If you'd like a closer look, just double click on the picture!

The paper on the right corner of the picture and the three circles on top, was the paper off the cupcake holders (they had cupcakes rather than a wedding cake) smart crafting eh?  :)  :)

Enjoy!

Proud momma!

Last night was Carinne's "Evening of the Arts" for her school.  Her school choir performed, and I  did exactly what Carinne said not to do...I sat in the second row, right in front of her!  It was funny as she tried so hard not to look at her mom!  I was so amazed and thrilled with how well the choir performed. Kudos to her choir director LeeAnn!   A beautiful rendiition of "Thankful"  check out Josh Grobin's version if you like!  Several more songs were performed, including a beautiful"Alleluia"  with the group finishing with a smash up of "The First Noel" and "Canon in D" (taking a que from Glee).  :) 

I am so proud of my beautiful daughter.  She's come a long way from the days where we'd listen to cd's and she's sing and spin...yes spin...she was a spinner!  LOL  I have videos of her singing, "Up on a Housetop" as loud as she could, and spinning in continious circles.  I'm amazed she didn't crash into something.  "Spinning" was something she did for years, and I've just realized she doesn't do it anymore.   I kind of miss that.   My little girl is growing into a beautiful young woman with an amazing voice. 

I can't wait to hear them again, and again. 

Who would have thought?

That I'd have to eat MORE!  I had a great workout yesterday with Amanda, and Jo took some time to go through my food journal to see what's happening with my dietary habits!  :)  Mostly good, I think, less processed (don't we all!), and just more calories!  We have it grilled into us that less is better!  To lose wieght you have to eat less.  Jo is teaching me it's not about that...that's why so many of us are "stuck" at our current weight levels.  It makes sense, but it's really hard to wrap my head around; especially all the time I spent with Jenny Craig, and Weight Watchers was about eating less, and exercising more.  According to Jo, my new guru  :), the opposite is true...the more you exercise, the more you need to eat! 

We are bombarded with commercials, ads, and media telling us fat free is the way to go, eat less, eat salads all the time, "don't eat that you'll get fat".  I worry about my daughter who already says she doesn't "have" to eat because she's worried she'll gain weight.    That was me in high school...I think I ate an apple for lunch and only supper at home with my family.  Look where it got me 27 years later

I consider myself  to be educated;  I know all about the  Canada Food Guide, I know what's good for you and what's not good for you.  I know we all need to cut the processed, and eat clean fresh food.   But still it's a challenge, when one is working full time, to plan and have all the right stuff on hand.  Maybe it comes down to the fact that change in itself is hard, it's always easier to take the short cut.  Eating is one facet of our lives where taking the short cut just doesn't work.   And really, doesn't my body deserve the best kind of fuel. Hard for me to wrap my head around that  I know it, but do I really deserve it?...but that's another blog post. 

This morning I was packing my lunch to take to school,  not enough...add an orange...that's only 40 calories...add a yogurt...that's only 30 calories...alright add a Fibre One bar...that's 140 calories. okay, add 1/2 cup  of  almonds...380 calories..yesh!  When you eat the good stuff, unprocessed stuff....it's a lot of food! 

I'm trusting Jo on this one; I have faith in the plan, it really is kind of amazing, someone is telling me to eat MORE!  But I'm on it!  :)  Faith and trust, Jo!

Now I remember!

It was a really long day at school today.  It's been crazy busy, and then adding the trips to the gym into my schedule...really, I'm tired. 

But at the end of the school day, I had a moment...just one little moment, that yes, I am making a difference!  A young lady came in needing only 2 credits to graduate...not a problem...except, wait, she's 20.  Not eligible for regular high school funding.  Instead of regular fees, she would be required to pay adult fees...three times the regular school fee.  There is no way she can afford to pay it.  Quick call to our principal, "Can we do something?"  And the answer was yes if I was willing to do my part !!!!    The smile on this young girls face was amazing; her eyes lit up, and  she was so happy that she will be able to graduate and have a high school diploma!  Sometimes we forget that the little things we do for those around us do make a difference. In the day to day runnings of the school I rarely have these moments, and today I am thankful, as I made a difference in a young girls life!

Yay, a scrapbooking day!

Well not really, a whole day, but an evening!  I was able to get four pages done out of my brother's wedding album (his Christmas present), and it felt great to finally get it started.  I'll post some pictures once I get it done.  It felt really great to get back in my room and do something crafty. 

I did have a good workout with Jo today.  I have to keep the long term goal in mind, and sometimes it's really hard.  I almost didn't go today, feeling like a wanted to have my own pity party...should I go???  should I go????  What finally did the trick was remembering the white shirt I had seen a lady wear at a party I went to...classy shirt, beautiful fabric...loved it...but there's no way I can wear it now, the tummy just isn't there...YET!  So off I went....felt good once I was there...how come it's so hard to get out the door?  I know I'm healthier, I know I"m stronger...can't wait for the scale to say the same thing!

An early Friday

Kind of sort of!  We have a short week this week, due to Remembrance Day, and a day-in-lieu!  Yay!

Had the weirdest experience at the gym yesterday.  I was sitting on the floor putting on the runners and had a "charlie-horse" in my stomach.  Was weird!!!  Went away after awhile...I continued on with my workout...but felt my stomach muscles all night!  Weird!!  Still feeling it a bit today but nowhere as bad as it was last night.  Today is rest day...probably much needed!  :)

I'm getting a little frustrated with my lack of weight loss...grrrrr....but I'll keep going!!!

Another day, another dollar!

I got some really good news at school today, we're are raking in the credits!  yay!  The hard part to swallow is that more than 2/3 are coming from me.  My I knew I was doing a copious amount of marking, and now when I see it in black and white I have total confirmation!  I'm not crazy!!!

However, I was able to get relatively caught up thanks to my fabulous principal, who came in on Friday to help bail me out.

I was a good girl on the weekend, and went to the gym...Amanda kicked my butt.  I have never felt so dizzy at class.  I had to bail on the stairs, which is not how I like to roll.  I kind of felt guilty about it once I got home, but later when I could barely get up off the kitchen floor (I was yes, cleaning), I realized it's okay to say, it's too much.

Tonight is another TRX class, hoping that one goes a bit better.  It's going to be a busy couple of days with report cards, parent/teacher interviews and gym time...but I'm on it like a dirty shirt...and yes I have laundry to do too!  LOL

A hard one

I wen to TRX class today with Amanda at 1pm...first thing I shouldn't have done was had Cheerios for breakfast...not enough...then had a sandwich at 11:30...not enough...thought it wasn't enough so had some almonds following....too much!  When will I finally figure the food part out???? 

Off to class I went, in a huge rush, as I had to pick up Jean-Luc from a birthday party...get there...and I got my butt kicked!  Yes, I did...I had to bail on the stairs...apparently Saturday's and stairs go together!  Who knew?  I have discovered the trials of being 44 are bad knees.  I did the stairs a few times, but I had to ask for something different...irks me that I couldn't make it grrrrrrrr.  Everything seemed hard today...I'm hoping it means I am using different muslces and they're protesting a bit.

For the rest of the day I have been cleaning house and putting stuff away...I got down on my knees to snap the plate back on the bottom of the fridge...almost couldn't get up. :(  I was sitting tonight, watching "Horton Hears a Who" with the kids...could barely get off the couch....what will ache tomorrow????..hmmmmm.....perhaps some Ibuprofen before bed would be a good thing!

Beautiful

I was watcing "What Not to Wear" tonight, and there was a woman on tonight, who was close to the same age as I am.  She had never thought of herself as beautiful.  Stacy and Clinton had to force her to say, "I'm Beautiful!"  As I was watching this, I had tears rolling down my face.  I have NEVER looked in the mirror and thought I was beautiful  Not even when I was the perfect size 7 and 117 pounds, not on my wedding day and certainly not since.    It makes me sad to say this.  I know I have looked "okay" and "nice"  but not beautiful!   Why are we so hard on ourselves?  I know I am a strong woman, the last few years are a testimony to that.  But I can't say it.

I am working hard at making the outside beauitful in my own eyes.  It's a lot of hard work, and hopefully I will start to have some rewards soon. I often wonder why I'm sabotaging myself.   I know the inside is beautiful.....at least that's what I hope others around me see -- the real me, not the one I see in the mirror.

I am trying hard get there.......

And surgery it is

But, I just don't know when yet!  I went to the surgeon for my appointment this morning; nice lady!!  She said I'll should have surgery in the next two months, depending on of course, howe busy the hospital gets to be!  I am hoping before Christmas...or after Christmas.  As you all know how much I love Christmas...and why be off when I can paid to be at home recooperating :)

I still go into surgery with some trepidation...it's been a long time...16 years in fact, but I NEVER want to face a gall bladder attack again. 

On another note, will be going to the gym tonight...kids have music lessons at 7, so off I'll go!  :)  Darn shouldn't have eaten those cookies for lunch!  :)  At least they were home made with oatmeal and coconut...right?????

Another day

Well, I realized it's been almost 7 months since I posted anything on my blog and mostly it's because I haven't  scrapped much...so  I'm changing gears.  I'm thinking I'm going to try and use the blog to relate a bit of my experiences at Jo Dumont's Fitness Training Center.  Or Jo's!  I have been going to Jo's since mid-August.  I don't think I've ever lasted so long going to a workout center.  Have I lost tons of weight?  No.  Have I lost tons of inches?  No.  Have I increased my fitness?  Yes!  Which is I guess what counts.  We had a TRX class tonight, and while I'll never say a class is wonderful and that I actually enjoy it; I felt really proud of myself tonight.  I had to break a time or two on my planks...but I didn't quit!  I told Jo tonight my goal was to be able to do a certain type of plank..because Robert can't do it!  So the goal has been set!

Sometimes it's really frustrating as I have so much weight to lose, yet the pounds aren't coming off.  Diet!  I need to start tracking again :) Yes I do.  I am hoping I can get measured tomorrow...hopefully I'll see that some of the inches are making their way off!

Finally some layouts and a copic card!

Whew!  After working on these LO's off and on for a few weeks; I think they're done  I may still add bits and pieces, but here they are.

This first one is of my mom as a little girl with her sisters and dad, on the first new tractor that was purchased for the farm.  What a treat to have a NEW tractor.  I kept the page relatively simple to reflect the times.  What a proud man with his first three girls! 

This next pic is a LO of my mom with her mom and dad about 6 months apart.  I'm not totally pleased with it, maybe the wrong background paper, but it's done!  :)  My mom is the oldest of 8 kids, so it's pretty precious to have a few pics of just mom with her parents.

This LO is of my mom, her two sisters and grandma and grandpa in front of the house at Easter.  I'm not really thrilled with the black lace; I may change it out.

And the last LO is of my grandma and grandpa's wedding.  Isn't it funny how stoic they look; not a smile to be found! 

And finally....ta da....a card that I made using my Copic markers!  Isn't she the cutest thing.  I've had fun coloring and made a card for my nephew too; but forgot to take a picture! 

Dance results

I am so proud of my girl, she did so well at her feis last weekend.  For this feis, the organizers flipped the schedule so that the older kids dance first thing in the morning.  Now, if you have a teenager, you know how well getting up at 6:45 am goes over.  I especially, have a lovely darling girl who HATES to get up in the morning.  However, this time, she was amazing.  We stayed at the Hyatt, which is a wonderful hotel, and we were to bed at a normal 11pm...(did I mention she hates going to bed too!)  I called her, rubbed her back, slowly got her moving before I hit the shower...when I was done, she was awake, playing on her IPOD, WOW!  I have to say this is not normal!

She got dressed in her dance paraphernalia, complete with wig and a new "pouf" styling for her hair, and we were downstairs for 7:45!  She helped the younger dancers warm up, stretching her self, and being happy!  :)

I am so proud of my girl!  the positive attitude paid off, and she came home with a first place medal, two second place medals, and best of all a 4th place trophy.  I am thrilled with the results, but more thrilled with the young lady and her actions of the day.

We had a great drive home, and a wonderful time together.  I love mother/daughter bonding time! 

A Holy Place

When I was home a few weeks ago, my mom and I were going through some paperwork of my sisters. Mom's intent is to put the "important" stuff in a memory album as a keeper. We sorted, made piles, and decided what to put where. One of the last documents we came across was an essay Cory wrote for one of her Education Classes, based on 'My Holy Place". I knew I had read this shortly after she died, but had forgotten about it. Her "Holy" Place was not a church, not a building, but a place where both had played growing up. Dunvegan! I hadn't really thought about it as a "Holy Place", but it is a place so close to my heart. Not only did we play on the hills and valleys growing up, but I also worked at the Historic Site for two summers while I was at university.

There is definitely something special about the hills of Dunvegan. Over the years when I have driven home, I get antsy as soon as the bridge comes into view. As I drive down the south side of the hill, the anticipation grows; yes! I'm home!!!!! The bridge and valley peeks into my view as the road curves east to west, getting my closer....there it is! Down over the bridge and start the climb home up the north side of the hill....home... 15 minutes away!

I feel a connection there. I only really lived there when I worked at the site, but it's there. Why? Because my dad also grew up roaming the same hills? The years we spent as kids? I don't know, but I do find it amazing that my sister and I felt the same connection, even though we never spoke about it. When I reread her essay with my mom, I told mom that I had the same feeling. I think she was amazed, but then just smiled at me...another connection I have with my little sister! It warms my heart to know we had that in common, perhaps someday we'll have the chance to share our memories together once again.

Bella, Bella, Bella!

Last weekend was Valentine's Day...I wasn't home. However, I was able to share a lovely Valentine's Day supper with my mom; probably the first ever since I was in high school.

I arrived home late Monday night, and was told not to plan supper for the next night! I was thrilled with this plan! My lovely husband had pawned our children off with a fabulous friend; and he and I had a few hours alone. After being gone for 5 days, it was a great opportunity to sit down and have a good "Catch up" with Dear hubby!

Supper had been picked up from "Supper Essentials" here in the city; a fabulous meal with full instructions as to how to prepare and even when to serve. It was a wonderful menu of shrimp for an appetizer, then onto wild mushroom soup; followed by an entre of steak, potatoes alfredo, and asparagus wrapped with bacon, then culminating with yummy brownies and chocolate sauce. Yum! To top it all off, hubby had picked up a very fine red wine!

I attacked the wine with gusto....yum (have I said that already?), as he proceeded to prepare the delicious meal with the agreement that I would clean up. I could deal with that! I proceeded to sit down at the computer desk to check some emails, play a little on facebook! The phone rings....it's the kids reminding their dad to turn off the tv (there was a hockey game on)....as the kids are talking to their dad, he wandered out of the kitchen to check out the game on tv! LOL As he wandered away....dear Bella wandered in......can you see where this is going! Bella was the first to sample our supper....yes indeed, yummy steak!

Without trying to laugh too hard at my very mad husband, I found my keys and headed off to the store to replace the steak. I headed to Sobey's first; not too far from our house. Not a steak to be had; yes there was pork, shrimp, lobster, even lamb, but not one steak in the deli department.

Off to Save-On several minutes away. I did find two delectable tenderloin steaks...not cheap, but we're worth it after all the drama. While I was gone hubby had started the bar-b-que, and was in the final stages of preparing everything else. Poor hubby dear I felt so bad for him. But the steaks were wonderful, the evening together was a rare treat (no pun intended), and it was nice to have a quiet evening at home with no activities or homework to supervise.

And Bella.....she spent the rest of the evening outside, looking in with her big brown eyes!

February!

Oh my gosh, despite all my good intentions, months have gone by without any words being said. Hmm...how does that happen? Anyway, last weekend I went home for a funeral...an uncle...Uncle Marcel. What great memories I have. He was the "Old Dutch" guy...yes, when I was a kid, Uncle Marcel sold Old Dutch, and of course, you know what that meant; as kids we couldn't wait to go and visit! We rarely had chips in our house, but oooohhhh to go to Uncle Marcel's and Auntie Marg's that was a treat!

I hadn't seen Uncle Marcel in a few years, and somehow that's okay as I know life gets busy and as our families get larger it's harder to get together. The memories are still there and strong, he was such a kindhearted man who gave the best hugs! I will never forget the day I brought Robert home to meet mom's family! Now, you need to realize this is a huge family with 7 brothers and sisters...aunts and uncles are plentiful! Whenever a grandchild brought a I knew in a heartbeat that Uncle Marcel would have nothing for approval for this young man I had brought to a family event! They were both French!! I knew that for Uncle Marcel, I had picked a great guy!

The funeral was yesterday, and I have decided I really dislike funerals. I wish there was more celebration of life; make me smile; make me remember the best of the best! I feel so much for my cousins, they are hurting and there's nothing I can do that will help. Time, well, yes, everyone says time will help, and it will, but in all reality, there's still an emptiness, a void if you will that will never be filled again. My heart aches for their loss. I send them my love and blessings. Life has changed, it will be different from this moment on. I love you Uncle!