Mental Monsters!

I just read Jo's blog...Mental Monsters...those little monsters that set out to sabotage us, to distract us, and to make us doubt ourselves.  My goal is to break those little suckers.   Along with the Mental Monsters, I think I have memory monsters.  The memories that threaten to beat us at every turn.  Losing my sister, Cory, was probably one of the hardest experiences in my life.  And it's one that never ends.  Never a day goes by when I don't miss her or think of her. The whole "loss" of her is a memory monster.  I ate and ate, and soothed myself with food, and 40 pounds later, here I am.  Before Carinne, I had a miscarriage at 3 and a half months....I ate, and ate, and soothed myself with food...25 pounds later....do you see the pattern?  I am just started to.  Would Cory want for me to keep sabotaging myself?  No!  Would she want me to keep using food as a way to soothe myself because I miss her?  No!   Would our little angel in heaven want her mom to keep eating the hurt away.  No!   So it's time to stop!

Thanks to a little reflection with Jo tonight, and a little self analysis :)  It's time to chases the Mental Monsters and the Memory Monsters away.  I have been going to JDFT for 5 months now.  When I started I couldn't do a sit up (no laughing), I couldn't do a push up (really, no laughing now), and I could barely do 30 seconds of cardio.  Not today!  Today I am stronger, I am healthier, I am PROUD of myself!  As I type this I have tears forming!  It amazes me how hard it is to say that:  I AM PROUD OF MYSELF!   And I"m chasing the monsters away!  I am PROUD of myself, I WILL continue to make myself stronger and healthier. 

Thanks to Jo, for the pep talk tonight and letting me know that the girls at the gym care about me, they care about my progress and they care that I'm proud of myself!  To Amanda and Shannon, thanks for the listening ear yesterday, I needed it.  I'm always learning and improving!  Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks!  :)