Will it ever be over?

Will it ever be over?  The answer is no...the question?  Will the worry about being fat/overweight (whatever you want to call it) ever be over?  I don't think so.  It's such a struggle...and a frustration.  A few of my friends have been meeting every Saturday morning for the last three weeks to share our struggles and be a sounding board for each other.  It's a wonderful chance to visit and share a little bit of our mom woes, etc.  And an opportunity to get ideas about our individual issues that we have.  Of course, the one struggle we all share is weight...either getting it off, or keeping it off.  I am very proud of the girls for their weight losses.  But I am also feeling a little jealous, as they've all lost weight, but me! 

How does one get over those feelings?  How does one struggle through all the everyday chores, all the aspects of being a mom and a wife, and work commitments....and still find time to take care of oneself?  It seems to me others have somewhat figured it out.  I'm still working on it.  I have had a really hard time going back to JDFT since my surgery.  I have lost the momentum..how do I get it back?  There's such a  pull to go to the gym, and to walk the dog, and keep up with everything (meaning the house and errands), and me well, I seem to fall to the bottom of the list.  Not to mention that I'm tired. What a vicious circle...if I went to the gym more, I would get energy and then I wouldn't be so tired.

It's trying to be spring (and failing miserably), but I know it means capri, short, t-shirt...all the clothes that you can't hide behind.  Don't even get me started on a swimming suit.  It is time to start again...(insert big sigh here), it seems like I'm always starting...will it ever be over...nope!

Here we go again!

I am back to my journaling and keeping track of all my food.  That's not the hard part.  The hard part is all in my head.  The thoughts of sabotage are always there, and so frustrating.  I really have come to an understanding that my weight issues are not really about food, and not really about the exercise...othewise I would have dropped weight by now.  My conclusion is that it's really about being worthy....yes, I am worthy!  And why is that so hard to say?  Really, I know I am....but????  it's the but??? that's killing me, and it's not the behind butt!  Ha ha!!!  So here, we go again!   Keeping up with the exercise, and keeping up with the journal, but most of all, keeping up with me and the thoughts that I am worth the time and effort to gain the body I want to have.

And on a happy note, we took Bella to the dog park yesterday, and she had soooo much fun!  We were totally entertained by her exuberance  and total exhileration of being able to run and play with the other dogs!  I enjoyed being with my husband and son, and to laugh in the cold air was a blast!

Who would have thought?

That I'd have to eat MORE!  I had a great workout yesterday with Amanda, and Jo took some time to go through my food journal to see what's happening with my dietary habits!  :)  Mostly good, I think, less processed (don't we all!), and just more calories!  We have it grilled into us that less is better!  To lose wieght you have to eat less.  Jo is teaching me it's not about that...that's why so many of us are "stuck" at our current weight levels.  It makes sense, but it's really hard to wrap my head around; especially all the time I spent with Jenny Craig, and Weight Watchers was about eating less, and exercising more.  According to Jo, my new guru  :), the opposite is true...the more you exercise, the more you need to eat! 

We are bombarded with commercials, ads, and media telling us fat free is the way to go, eat less, eat salads all the time, "don't eat that you'll get fat".  I worry about my daughter who already says she doesn't "have" to eat because she's worried she'll gain weight.    That was me in high school...I think I ate an apple for lunch and only supper at home with my family.  Look where it got me 27 years later

I consider myself  to be educated;  I know all about the  Canada Food Guide, I know what's good for you and what's not good for you.  I know we all need to cut the processed, and eat clean fresh food.   But still it's a challenge, when one is working full time, to plan and have all the right stuff on hand.  Maybe it comes down to the fact that change in itself is hard, it's always easier to take the short cut.  Eating is one facet of our lives where taking the short cut just doesn't work.   And really, doesn't my body deserve the best kind of fuel. Hard for me to wrap my head around that  I know it, but do I really deserve it?...but that's another blog post. 

This morning I was packing my lunch to take to school,  not enough...add an orange...that's only 40 calories...add a yogurt...that's only 30 calories...alright add a Fibre One bar...that's 140 calories. okay, add 1/2 cup  of  almonds...380 calories..yesh!  When you eat the good stuff, unprocessed stuff....it's a lot of food! 

I'm trusting Jo on this one; I have faith in the plan, it really is kind of amazing, someone is telling me to eat MORE!  But I'm on it!  :)  Faith and trust, Jo!