And it's Christmas season!

It's been busy!  Can you tell, I haven't made a post!  I am itching for the next few days to be over!  Robert and the kids finished school yesterday...me....I wait until Tuesday!  Which is okay, as I'll have two extra days on the other end!

I'm still rocking the gym, 4 days so far this week!  I thought on Monday and Tuesday, "I'm rockin' it!  I feel great!  I can do this!"  then......on Wed. and Thursday Amanda kicked my a$$; yes she did.  I was still and sore on Friday, again wondering, "Why am I doing this to myself?".  So Friday night was treat night!  We had our Christmas open house last night.  I sampled everything that I wanted to.  I had 3 glasses of wine...I held a 2 and a half month old baby for a hour!  Yay me!  AND had the best time with our friends!   Where was I going with this...oh yes...food.  I am very proud of myself.  While I sampled all those yummy munchies that I love, I did NOT pig out, I did NOT eat excessively, and I still got to have my Christmas treats.  I'm learning!

And now it's Saturday morning, I just got up a little while ago, and was trying to talk myself out of going to the gym....then I read Jo's new website.  So I have eaten a wrap with my favorite crunchy peanut butter, and I'm off to change into my workout clothes...yes I'm going, as much as I tried to talk myself out of it...I can't!  I know I'll feel guilty for the rest of the weekend!  :)  Off I go!

The Positive Journey

And so the journey starts again.  I had my meeting with Jo on Friday, we discussed my food journal, the goods, the bads...and really I think I eat well.  Again, still not enough.  I think I may need a few slaps to get through to my thick head that I need to eat more.  However, I started my weekend, not thinking so much about how much I was eating for "what I was eating".  And as long as I was staying away from the processed food, and junk I was good. 

One of the first things Jo told me I had to do was put the scale away.  The only time I will weigh myself is when it's my time to measure at JDFT.  I couldn't believe how hard it was to put it away.  AND how tempted I was to weigh myself before I put it away.  But I didn't!  Talk about a slave to the scale!  I have some heavy head thoughts I need to put at bay.  I think I have been told so often, to not eat that...that's fattening...that's not healthy.....it's hard to keep the positive thoughts in my head. 

Being overweight really sucks. (don't tell my kids I used the word sucks").  It's so hard on the self esteem.  The girl I see in the mirror is not the one I feel looking out through my eyes.  Do I want to be 17 again?  Nope!  Do I want to be 27 again?  nope...but I sure wouldn't mind the body I had back then; I'm pretty sure I'd take better care of it, if I knew then what I knew now!

But it's a new day, and time to start again.  One of my assignemnts is to search out images of how I'd like to look.  I told Robert I had to do this, as a Victoria Secret commercial came on...he turned and looked at me with a big grin...."like that?"..  funny guy....wouldn't that be nice...but I would need about 6 inches of height and bigger boobs!  Maybe the rest is attainable?  LOL 

Jo also asked me to come up with a physical challenge.  Scary thoughts came crashing through my head....a goal...really....what if I fail....I will fail...no I can't do that....I have to commit?....I'm SCARED!!!    I had tears welling up in my eyes.....talk about low self esteem.  Jo mentioned things like a 5 km run...sit ups...push ups....chin lifts....nothing seemed right.  When I talked to Robert about it; he said it's your decision...men!  Saturday I went to TRX and Jo and Amanda decided they would create a obstacle course for me...kind of like on  the show X-Weighted...so this week...look out, I think I'll probably die..but the goal is in 3 months I can be a winner!  Yay Tracee...and so it begins....  off to buy a new food journal after school today, so can add more journalling about my day as well.

And again

I am feeling so frustrated.  I had to let this stew for a little bit, and not write immediately.  It would not have been nice!


I got weighed and measured yesterday....hmpf!  I was not impressed!  I really feel like I have been working hard and being fairly diligent with calorie tracking as well as going to TRX and circuit training classes.   But absolutely no results...none...nada...zilch!  It really sucks.  (please do not tell my kids I used that word). 

okay, now that I had my own little pity party.  I have booked in a session with Jo on Friday to do a bit of an analysis of what I have been doing right and what I can improve on.  Here is hoping to success on that front.  I do not want to say I am going to give up, but it is very close to the tip of my tongue.  Going to the gym 4 days a week translates to about 6.5 hours out of my week that my house is not being cleaned, and my kids are not getting specific directions from their mother.  It does not sound like very much, but I really feel like the house is falling apart...the kids are getting away from me...and then there is the fact that I am not having success....frustrating!!!

But I will start.....again!

And it snowed in the village!

I've had the Christmas village set up for a few days, but it hadn't snowed yet!  :)  Meaning, I hadn't added the snow to cover up all the wires etc.  But today...it finally snowed! 

The first few pictures are with the lights on...then with only the lights for the village.  I noticed a few spot lights have burnt out, so I need to go battery shopping...:)

Enjoy!

Hmmm...I think I need to paint the walls blue.....I'd had a beautiful sky background then!!!

Wedding Scrapbook

These are the first few pages of the Christmas present I'm making for my brother and his wife...they were married in August.  I still have several pages to go, but they're planned out and now...it's just time to get them all done before Christmas!  If you'd like a closer look, just double click on the picture!

The paper on the right corner of the picture and the three circles on top, was the paper off the cupcake holders (they had cupcakes rather than a wedding cake) smart crafting eh?  :)  :)

Enjoy!

Proud momma!

Last night was Carinne's "Evening of the Arts" for her school.  Her school choir performed, and I  did exactly what Carinne said not to do...I sat in the second row, right in front of her!  It was funny as she tried so hard not to look at her mom!  I was so amazed and thrilled with how well the choir performed. Kudos to her choir director LeeAnn!   A beautiful rendiition of "Thankful"  check out Josh Grobin's version if you like!  Several more songs were performed, including a beautiful"Alleluia"  with the group finishing with a smash up of "The First Noel" and "Canon in D" (taking a que from Glee).  :) 

I am so proud of my beautiful daughter.  She's come a long way from the days where we'd listen to cd's and she's sing and spin...yes spin...she was a spinner!  LOL  I have videos of her singing, "Up on a Housetop" as loud as she could, and spinning in continious circles.  I'm amazed she didn't crash into something.  "Spinning" was something she did for years, and I've just realized she doesn't do it anymore.   I kind of miss that.   My little girl is growing into a beautiful young woman with an amazing voice. 

I can't wait to hear them again, and again. 

Who would have thought?

That I'd have to eat MORE!  I had a great workout yesterday with Amanda, and Jo took some time to go through my food journal to see what's happening with my dietary habits!  :)  Mostly good, I think, less processed (don't we all!), and just more calories!  We have it grilled into us that less is better!  To lose wieght you have to eat less.  Jo is teaching me it's not about that...that's why so many of us are "stuck" at our current weight levels.  It makes sense, but it's really hard to wrap my head around; especially all the time I spent with Jenny Craig, and Weight Watchers was about eating less, and exercising more.  According to Jo, my new guru  :), the opposite is true...the more you exercise, the more you need to eat! 

We are bombarded with commercials, ads, and media telling us fat free is the way to go, eat less, eat salads all the time, "don't eat that you'll get fat".  I worry about my daughter who already says she doesn't "have" to eat because she's worried she'll gain weight.    That was me in high school...I think I ate an apple for lunch and only supper at home with my family.  Look where it got me 27 years later

I consider myself  to be educated;  I know all about the  Canada Food Guide, I know what's good for you and what's not good for you.  I know we all need to cut the processed, and eat clean fresh food.   But still it's a challenge, when one is working full time, to plan and have all the right stuff on hand.  Maybe it comes down to the fact that change in itself is hard, it's always easier to take the short cut.  Eating is one facet of our lives where taking the short cut just doesn't work.   And really, doesn't my body deserve the best kind of fuel. Hard for me to wrap my head around that  I know it, but do I really deserve it?...but that's another blog post. 

This morning I was packing my lunch to take to school,  not enough...add an orange...that's only 40 calories...add a yogurt...that's only 30 calories...alright add a Fibre One bar...that's 140 calories. okay, add 1/2 cup  of  almonds...380 calories..yesh!  When you eat the good stuff, unprocessed stuff....it's a lot of food! 

I'm trusting Jo on this one; I have faith in the plan, it really is kind of amazing, someone is telling me to eat MORE!  But I'm on it!  :)  Faith and trust, Jo!